and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
