She announced her abortion via fbk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
