wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
