why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize