I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
