I molested 6 butterflies tonight
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
