I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
