mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize