well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ugly people sure do ruin things
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
