That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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