can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
