You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
