I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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