May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
