do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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