dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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