Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
