She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
