my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Do vagina's smell?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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