My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
