you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
