Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
