ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
