Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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