I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
