Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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