No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
