And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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