i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
