Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize