Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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