dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
