Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
