I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Boobs are out for the taking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
