just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
be right there i have to get my cape
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
