Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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