Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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