The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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