I'm going to jail i love you
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
