I heard we made out
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
