dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
