K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize