Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize