do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
false alarm. still invincible.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So squirting runs in the family.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
