I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
