Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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