So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
