I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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