How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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