I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
