dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
