You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
