put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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