I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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