I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
