I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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