Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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