I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think im going to throw up on grandma
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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