hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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