I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
