Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
