I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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