She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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