with your own penis?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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