Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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