Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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