Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize