He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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