After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
