I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
