My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize