I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
