you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize