these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
