I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
