i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
