I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
