Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize